Reality or Fiction? – Pt 1 Breathe

At the end of 2 Dark Mirrors, I’d added a small section to get people to this website because I’d thought that adding rules to the book slowed things down too much. I also promised a couple of other things and this is me (like a trusted Master), living up to that commitment. I hadn’t at the time thought about how porous reality is though and I’d imagine that every fiction writer describes streets that he or she grew up in and uses phrases of those around them. (Writers, like photographers and other artists must start off as thieves.) So I’m doing that here but know that things are mixed and changed and added to keep the thread of the story going… I’ve done my best here, but have used a broad brush.

PART ONE – Desire
Chapter 1 – Consumed

I’d had quite a few of these dreams over the years and for a long time these impossibly real and intensely tactile nights only occurred with those dreams where you think you’ve woken up, but you haven’t (night terrors). For some reason I had a lot of these and started to create rules around them – I’d remember that it was a dream and while this history made it more horrible I’d managed to gain some control and then there came the day (night) when it became sensual and sexual but with that same overpowering intensity. I only wish I had more of these sorts of dreams. One of my subs said that she’d had similar dreams, but didn’t remember them – for this, I used my own while I was in Lina’s mind (and body.)

Chapter 2 – (The Shape of Things -1, -2, -3)

These chapters are based on the actual journey a new sub had taken to meet me for the first time and I’d taken this both from meeting her then and from her journal. Since I’m grouping these together, yes she did wear a blindfold when meeting me the first time (two of my subs did) and the blindfold was left in the mailbox with instructions exactly as in the book – what I didn’t mention was that the envelope also contained an official copy of my STD test results – not as good for the story as it was for her piece of mind. She’d actually stayed the entire weekend.

Chapter 3 – A Brief History of Lina

This history was created from all of my subs (though one in particular) and the people they’d been with before. Their historical boyfriends all seem to fall into categories and I chose those useful to the story (I remember overhearing a woman describing an old boyfriend: “He was my tortured, starving yet talented artist relationship,” she said. The woman she was confiding in simply nodded as if every woman has one.) Lina’s parents started off as fairly nice people who simply were too worried about the world and overprotective of their daughter, but as the mother became over-the-top in a Stephen King character sort of way… that just kept growing – she grated on my nerves so well that I kept her as the person she became… The description of Lina’s lingerie shop work is similar to how one of my subs described her job and how she’d noticed how older men looked at her. She did have men ask her to try things on… While I she didn’t actually do this – I do remember her thinking that it might have been fun.

Chapter 4 – Here Be Monsters

The internet part is mostly correct and based on myself, I do get very protective and have chased those from the site who really shouldn’t be there, but while Patrick and I share many of the same characteristics (and interests) we aren’t entirely the same. I didn’t use the two email rule but once someone did reply, I tended to push pretty hard to make sure that they were worth my time, or weren’t looking for something unhealthy. The family business trips again did happen with one submissive but the young woman’s parents didn’t dress her up for these reasons but the flirting and outright advances had occurred on several occasions by these older men. The story of the man who’d protected her is created, but the “slightly older man” she’d fantasized about was actually a bus boy in the restaurant when she was about the age Lina is as she’s recounting the story.
Dr. John “taking advantage” of Lina, is not a specific story, but I’ve heard far too many stories from subs and female friends alike to know about this sort of pressure and how horribly often this happens.

Chapter 5 – Possibilities

The email exchanges are accurate in substance if not in words. I had turned a young woman down for exactly these reasons and she did win me over through her persistence, passion and cleverness. The age difference was only a few years and like Lina, she was also in university at the time and living with her parents (two other things I really didn’t want to be involved with!). But I have had one review from a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey who much preferred that book – saying that the age difference here was too great. Yet I purposefully didn’t mention the age difference so that each person could make up their mind what they wanted it to be. It seems that this person wanted it to be “wrong”. For the record it was 5 years.

 Chapter 6 – Under a Tree

Having a sub perform tasks before we meet had become quite normal, even more so as I’ve become more experienced. I really want my sub to be fully comfortable for anything that I might do with her when we are together and I also want to know who she is and what her desires are. The delay in meeting in the book actually occurred over Christmas (strangely, this was similar with two subs). The cynical Christmas part came to me while I was visiting a friend in Vietnam and the tinny Christmas music playing in the heat was driving me mad…

Chapter 7 – Living in the Present

If the mother was ever based on anything had become her own fully fictional character by this point. The presents were real more or less, but I’ll add to that in the following sections.

Chapter 8 – Marvin the Merciless

One of my subs had actually done this to punish herself for something she’d done wrong and sent me photos of the results – though I hadn’t asked her to do this.  She’d used a hair brush and it was brutal – far more than I would have done. The actual whipping herself is fiction that simply occurred to me as one of my other subs had done this half-heartedly but instead decided to wait for me… Looking back on it, I think that I wanted to clarify to the readers, (and to the protagonist) that these things are about pushing sensation over and above the connotations of “being whipped”.  This isn’t a Sadist / Masochist activity (though it could be), it’s about sensation, control (lack of) and trust. The sensations are based on what I’d found in the journals when I’d asked about “what it felt like and what it meant to be whipped / spanked.”

Chapter 9 – Watching Her Breathe

Mostly true. Where I’ve met subs on the internet, before we meet I want them to know that I’m the man they’re expecting and often a video call is the best way to do this (for both of us). With one sub, this did become a fashion show and it went pretty much as stated in the novel. How she felt about it was also in her journal (in past tense when she wrote it), but I brought her thoughts (and mine) into real time. If I’m honest, the crawling part was something I’d thought would be too far for the novel (and I hadn’t asked this in real life) but in the story I wanted to push boundaries and this was a line where the intent of what he is asking and what she is doing is pushing herself past embarrassment and that goes beyond the “belief” in right or wrong. The act of seeing themselves differently (and better) I did find in a journal.

Chapter 10 – Consent

I felt this needed saying. In the #metoo era there are issues on all sides that I don’t see it as being that difficult. People need to understand that others make mistakes. We are particularly stupid where attraction is involved and all sides need to take responsibility. I think that I’ve covered my thoughts well, so I won’t do it again here… But I will say that in the context of this story and in life, it’s something I needed to be clear about and I believe that consent is absolute and is a huge part of trust and respect in any relationship – and needs to be even clearer in a power exchange relationship like Dominant / submissive and Master / slave.
– I’m stepping off my soapbox now.

Chapter 11 – Trevor

Mostly true – except I was nearby at the time, because the mobile phone vibrator apps simply weren’t available yet (I’d looked!). The expression on her face and the comically widening eyes are all part of my memories now… as were her bent knees and way of walking. There was a cruel part of me that loved doing this – how she blushed, then giggled as she tried to control herself in public and those lovely sounds she couldn’t quite hold in when I surprised her… The parking lot also happened with a different woman (it hadn’t actually occurred to me the first time) and though we’d almost been caught by a couple that day in the rain the combined photo is fiction. The part about Jaime I added so that Lina wasn’t entirely alone in her decision – I ask my subs to look elsewhere for input if at all possible but I’d also wanted the readers to meet Jaime a couple of times.

PART II coming soon!

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